We all carry silent messages within us. These messages guide how we see ourselves, how we treat others, and how we interpret the world. We often call these messages our core beliefs. When our core beliefs are healthy, we grow, connect, and thrive. When they are unhealthy, we may feel stuck, anxious, or held back by nothing visible. In this article, we share a practical guide to finding out what our core beliefs are and how we can shift the unhelpful ones. This journey is possible for any of us, one choice at a time.
What are core beliefs and how do they shape us?
Core beliefs are the deep, underlying assumptions we hold about ourselves, others, and the world. They start to form in childhood, shaped by our family, culture, and life experiences. We rarely say them out loud, but they work silently in the background, driving our thoughts and responses.
Usually, core beliefs sound like these:
- I am not good enough
- People can’t be trusted
- The world is unsafe
- I must always please others
- I am worthy of love
The voices grow with us, shaping our choices and habits.
Core beliefs are like glasses. They filter how we see everything else.
We may act without even questioning why—until something doesn’t feel right, and we wonder if our “truths” are really true after all.
Why do unhealthy beliefs take root?
Some beliefs protect us when we’re young. If you grew up in chaos, “the world is dangerous” might help keep you alert and safe. If you felt rejected, “I’m unlovable” may explain the pain. Over time, these beliefs can become rigid, even when they’re no longer needed. As adults, we may find that what once helped us now limits our growth and happiness.
Unhealthy beliefs stick because they feel familiar—almost like home.
But familiarity doesn’t mean they serve us anymore. Changing core beliefs means daring to ask where they came from, and whether we still want to carry them forward.
How can we define our core beliefs?
Defining our core beliefs starts with self-observation—a gentle curiosity toward our own thoughts and patterns. In our experience, many people never pause to examine what they believe, so the first step is simply to pay attention.
- Notice recurring patterns: When you face a challenge, what automatic thoughts appear? Write them down. For example, after making a mistake, do you think, “I always fail,” or “Everyone makes mistakes”?
- Track emotional reactions: Strong emotions often hint at underlying beliefs. If criticism makes you extremely upset, you might carry the belief “I must be perfect to be accepted.”
- Listen for “should” and “must” statements: These words often signal rules we accepted long ago—rules that may or may not fit our current life.
- Recall formative moments: Try to remember events in childhood or adolescence where you felt proud, embarrassed, scared, or loved. How did you make sense of those moments? What story did you begin to tell yourself?
- Ask trusted friends or mentors: Sometimes others notice our beliefs before we do, just by listening to how we talk about life.
Once you gather your thoughts and memories, look for repeating themes. The beliefs that show up most often are likely your core beliefs.
How do we know if a belief is unhealthy?
We often recognize unhealthy beliefs by their results. If a belief brings shame, stops us from taking good risks, or leads us into unhappy relationships, it probably isn’t serving us well. It helps to ask:
- Does this belief help me reach my goals?
- Does it strengthen my relationships?
- Does it allow for mistakes and growth?
- Does it reflect reality or just old fears?
Healthy beliefs support our self-worth, create room for growth, and lead to actions we’re proud of. Unhealthy ones sap our energy and keep us in cycles we wish we could break.
Steps to change unhealthy core beliefs
Changing a core belief is not quick, but it is possible. We see it happen when we work step by step with care and patience.
- Identify the belief Write down the belief in clear words. For example, “I’m always going to fail." Saying it aloud takes away some of its hidden power.
- Gather evidence List times when this belief did not come true. Did you succeed at something? Were you accepted as you are? Make the evidence visible.
- Challenge the belief Ask: Where did I learn this? Is it true 100% of the time? Would I say this to a friend I care about?
- Rewrite the belief Create a new belief that is both realistic and supportive. For instance, replace “I’m always going to fail” with “Sometimes I struggle, but I can learn and grow.”
- Act as if the new belief is true Take small actions each day that line up with the new belief. Track your progress. Every time you try, you build new evidence for your brain.
- Practice self-compassion Change takes time. Be patient with yourself. If old beliefs return, notice them, pause, and choose again.
You may find it helpful to keep a journal to track your progress with these steps. Over time, new beliefs can become just as automatic as the old ones.
When we write a new story, we live in a new way.
Building a supportive environment
We rarely change alone. It helps to surround ourselves with people who see our best, encourage our efforts, and offer kindness when we stumble. We can also look for resources that support positive thinking, like books, podcasts, or supportive communities.
We find that growth is not just about changing beliefs, but also about living in an environment that helps healthy beliefs take root.
When we nurture these connections, lasting change feels possible.
Living with new beliefs: What comes next?
When old patterns fade, new possibilities emerge. Relationships improve. Self-respect grows. We feel more alive in our work and creative life. There may still be hard days, but our new beliefs act as anchors. They steady us, remind us of our true worth, and point us toward the person we want to become.
Every belief we change opens a new doorway for our lives.
Conclusion
Our core beliefs shape everything from self-image to relationships to our future. By pausing to define those beliefs—especially the ones that hurt us—and shifting them toward kindness and truth, we set ourselves free. The process asks courage, honesty, and patience, but in our experience, it is always worth it. Growth through changing beliefs brings us closer to our true selves and to the life we want to create.
Frequently asked questions
What are core beliefs?
Core beliefs are deep, foundational ideas we have about ourselves, others, and the world. They guide our behavior, color our perceptions, and influence our feelings, often without us realizing it. These beliefs usually form in childhood and may or may not reflect our current reality.
How can I identify my core beliefs?
Start by paying attention to your automatic thoughts in stressful moments, repeated emotional patterns, and the language you use about yourself or the world. Writing these down, noticing recurring themes, and reflecting on past experiences can reveal your core beliefs. Trusted friends or mentors can also provide insight by sharing how they perceive your approach to life.
Why should I change unhealthy beliefs?
Changing unhealthy beliefs matters because they often hold us back and cause pain. These beliefs may result in anxiety, low self-esteem, or poor relationships. When we update unhealthy beliefs to healthier, more supportive ones, our behavior, emotional well-being, and relationships tend to improve.
How do I replace negative beliefs?
Begin by clearly identifying the negative belief. Gather evidence against it, challenge its truth, and rewrite it into a belief that is more accurate and supportive. Practice thinking and behaving as if this new belief is true. Over time, consistent practice helps establish new, healthier beliefs.
Is it hard to change core beliefs?
Changing core beliefs can be challenging because they are familiar and deeply rooted. However, with patience, practice, and support, the process becomes easier. Small, steady actions and self-compassion are key to making lasting change possible.
